Sorry, Lily
by 1bluesapphire
Summary: After being forced to leave her own home after so many years, Petunia Dursely writes a letter to her sister, Lily. In it, she reflects on her relationship with Lily, Harry, James, and her family.


**AN: This story is written for the Tutshill Tornadoes, and the prompts I've used are word (lonesome), quote ("If envy were a fever, the whole world would be ill), and word (old).**

My dearest Lily,

As I sit in this cold, comfortless, lonesome and generic hotel room, I so wish I could send these words to you. Better yet, to be able to say them to your face. Two hours ago I stood in the lounge of a home I had cleaned and cared for, designed, decorated, obsessed over, for 20 years. A house I made an outward aspect of myself, believing in that by cherishing the ordinary, I could ignore the extraordinary. And you dear sister were extraordinary.

As is your son. Vernon and I thought we were doing so well with Harry. I mean, we could see the ideals we were trying to install in him were not sticking, but we believed it was some genetic anomaly, from James, because of course, it would not have come from the Evans purely ordinary blood. But now I see we were so wrong, and I am so sorry. I am sorry that we didn't take the time to see harry for the amazing young man he was, and for not appreciating the blessing your gift granted you. I spent so many years wishing I was more than boring old, mousy old Petunia, with the high-faluting name, but just a plain Jane in every way. While you had this amazing gift. I'm not just talking about the magic, but also you gift to find the good in others, like that strange young boy you befriended, and then James and his oddball friends of course. But jealously is a cold companion. "If envy were a fever, the whole world would be ill," and I was so feverish, burning with the desire to do magic, be as pretty, and talented as you; be able to make friends as easily as you.

So why am I in a hotel and not in the home I worshipped so much? I don't really entirely understand, but it appears that Volder-something or another has returned. Just the thought of it sends chills down my spine. I don't know much about him but Harry and his 'acquaintances' seem very concerned. All I know about him is he took away my best friend on the night he killed you and James. I guess that hatred spilt over into how I saw Harry, and influenced how I treated him. Another thing I will have to say sorry for I guess.

Harry, well he doesn't like me very much. Not really a surprise. Still, he acted as if cared for Dudley, Vernon and I, as if despite everything, we were a responsibility he had to take care of. He reminded me of you, Lily. Oh, and James, he had that responsibility drive too. He could have left us to be found by that horrible thing Dudley described to us - the shadow that sucked all the joy from him-, or by Voldertort who I gather is fond of torturing his captives, a bit like a cat tortures the mouse it catches. it doesn't really want the mouse, but it doesn't want to let go of it either. Little surprise if Harry had left us to that fate. But he organised us to be taken away with some sort of magic stuff happening to protect us, and then he stayed to fight this great monster. He's just a young man, a boy really, but he didn't try to fight against what was going to happen, he remained steadfast and bold, and a part of me admires him that.

A part of me thinks he's a fool, and overly given to grandiose acts of courage in the face of sanity as well.

I've just realised, all those years he was under our roof, being able to do all those miraculous things, and it never occurred to me to ask if he was able to talk to you, make contact in some way or another. I went into his room once and saw a photo of you and you were waving at me from it. Of course I shuddered and ran, I wish I hadn't. Was that my chance to speak to you and tell you all the things I have held deep in me these many years? So stupid of me, so much I could have said, if it were possible.

So anyway, here I sit, listening to the homely and comforting sounds of my husband and my son, sleeping in this comfortless hotel which is most defiantly not my home, and I think "what now?". If Harry is to be believed, either Volderthingy will win and humanity will become a slave race to those of your kind, or he will be defeated and everything will go back to normal. Normal, what a joke. The day you died, normal ceased to be. Not matter our differences, you were still my Lillikins, and soul mate sister and not matter the distance and emotion, I knew you were there anytime I needed you. Now I can only cry tears for what might have been. I have never even been able to visit your grave.

A stupid song has just played on the radio... just one of those pointless, repetitive jingles that sticks in the mind and becomes popular almost by default. I only mention it because of a coupe of lines in it seem so appropriate to were my mind and heart is tonight "I'm sorry about all the things I said to you and I know I cant take it back."

Lily, I am sorry. I mean it. I am sorry I never took the time to appreciate you, that I didn't respect harry, and that I have made a religion out of everything ordinary. if humanity survives this war, and if harry come out okay, I will do more to show honour to your memory, I will make harry a part of our family. I am not going to force Dudley to be just another carbon copy of Vernon. He says he would like to learn more about Wizard's - in as much as us Muggles (see I remember what you told me) can learn. Perhaps take a class in muggle/wizard relations.

Lily, if I never do get the chance to tell you all this, please don't think too badly of me. I did what I thought was right, but now I know I am wrong. Please believe my remorse is real and remember me always as

Your sister.


End file.
